I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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