I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
