you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
