He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
