i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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