he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
