You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
