I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
