im about as happy as oj after his trial
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
