He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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