Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
