Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
