remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
