ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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