Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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