Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
