...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
