we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The air was thick with penises
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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