Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
