he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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