I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
