I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize