I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
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I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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