dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
