she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
