Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
