Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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