a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
