They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
