you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
