oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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