Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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