Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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