Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
