Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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