I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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