I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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