I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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