New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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