I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
