Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
