Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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