My hand turned me down
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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