She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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