I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
