A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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