cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just had sex on a roof
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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