How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
