That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
