Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
