; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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