Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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