My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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