I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
