Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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