So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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