someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
