There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
