woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
