I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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