no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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