That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
