I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
