I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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