Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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