I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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