Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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