well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
