Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
